I went back to sunrise yog for the first time in 2 weeks. While part of me was so happy to be back in the relaxing environment, the other part of my (aka my body) was screaming “what are you doing to me at 7AM!” For whatever reason I was not blessed with the gift of flexibility which makes flowing through a yoga class difficult for my tight body.
During my performance last night I had the terrifying moments of “oh god, I am not focused on what I am doing in this show, STOP THINKING KAYLA”. This realization was identical to how I feel in yoga when my thoughts take over and I lose my focus. It is also identical to when we meditated in my Voice and Speech class for 15 minutes and whenever we lost focus on our breath we had to tell our minds “thinking” and go back to focusing on the in and out.
Flying trapeze is a place where I am focused. When you are 25 feet up in the air it is difficult to think about what you want for dinner, homework, how pissed off you are about something that happened at school, and all the other things I spend my free time pondering about.
the most jarring experience I have had while flying happened a few weeks ago when I was attempting to throw my layout at the end of class. I know how to do a layout, and I know how to successfully do one, yet in the middle of flying I was suddenly hyper aware and could hear my mind thinking far too loudly. Usually the only thing I can think about in the air is the key words that the instructor has told me “stay tight” “wait for the break” “hold on a second longer” but not a full thought of “kayla, you are doing a layout, oh look there’s a catching swinging towards you!” and it freaked me out! I stopped mid trick because I was not in the right mindset.
Trapeze, yoga, meditation and acting all share this principle of focus– when you are hyper focused on your goal, which varies on the activities, that is when you are the most successful. When I lose focus while flying, that is when I mess up my trick. When I lose focus in yoga, that is when the class is unenjoyable and I cannot hold poses, or I spend the class staring at my watch. When I lost focus meditating, I did not reap the full benefits. And when I lose focus while acting, especially in performance like I did Tuesday night, my performance will suffer.
So today, I focused in all aspects of my life. In yoga I concentrated on the present– I am in yoga class, I did not worry about the rest of my day, and enjoyed the class (mentally at least, my body was definitely hurting).
in tonight’s performance I really focused on the present– what is going on in the show, what am I hearing, what am I feeling and not “make sure you step more stage right than you have been Kayla”, “shit I always mess up this harmony”, “oh hey, the audience isn’t laughing tonight”. I was present, in the moment, and at the end of the show I felt what a difference it made.
and a bonus? I briefly had intense focus at starbucks while studying for my midterm
instead of studying in my apartment where there is a fabulous tv that is begging to be watched, delicious food in my fridge, dishes that could be washed, packing that could be done, facebook stalking that can always be done, and endless tasks that are far more fun than studying for my midterm…. I cut myself off from distraction at Starbucks and actually got down to business. Take that senioritis.
THE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES
2 more performances left (this part is actually sad)
1 midterm
2 days til home!
4 days til California
and 1 week and a day til I get to see Idiot in LA!
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