Unapologetically and Awkwardly Kayla

I’m an awkward person.

It’s a quality I’ve had to come to terms with. While it used to feel like a major life hindrance in any and all social situations, apparently it’s a cute trait of mine. Or at least that’s what my boyfriend tells me.

I’m not ashamed to tell people I’m awkward and in fact wish it was socially acceptable to lead with this factoid. I feel like acknowledging your awkwardness is much much better than just being oblivious to it, no?

Upon receiving an incredible package from Sweaty Betty (seriously, thank you) I dreamed up an elaborate photoshoot in my head to highlight the outfits. Pretending to be the fashion meets fitness blogger that I honestly am not. I attempted to use all the knowledge I’ve gained about modeling from watching every season ever of America’s Next Top Model. Side note, if anyone out there is watching the current season please email me. I need to discuss!

With tidbits from Tyra Banks echoing in my ears (SMIZE! MODEL FROM HEAD TO TOE!), I did my best to summon up all this ANTM advice on a seriously cloudy day… after of course running a butt ton of miles because #marathontraining. I must say, I did have far more energy than I imagined. And than I did this past weekend post long run, that’s for sure.

At first glance, looking at the photos made me want to cringe.

Not because the imagery wasn’t gorgeous and professional looking, it certainly was. No, I couldn’t stop nitpicking about how awkward I looked. It’s like that first time you really hear what you sound like when you talk and freak out because it’s soooo not what you thought you sounded like. Listening to recordings of myself is like torture– why can’t I hear my own valley girl accent?!

Sometimes I wonder if those four years of intense theater training in college receiving constant feedback, sometimes positive but usually negative, made me even more self conscious and awkward than I already was. It took me a while to regain some of that confidence after the pretty rigorous beating that was theater school. And I’m not even talking about my acting skillz. Yup, even your personality gets put through the ringer in art school

After inspecting the photos more closely, I realized that at their core while yeah, they may feel awkward to me, they also feel like Kayla. All those personality traits that were pointed out as flaws in school are things I have become proud of– my stubbornness, my calculated approach to life and yes, my awkwardness. I wouldn’t be Kayla without these traits.

I am unapologetically and authentically me. Which means proudly listening exclusively to a mixture of musical theater, Green Day and ska music. Being the sober girl at every party. Refusing to wear heels despite being 5’2″. Being really really shitty at making small talk. Going to bed at 10PM on a Friday.

And being awkward.

Outfit
Salabasana 3/4 Yoga Leggings
Bakasana Yoga Tank (it’s a two-in-one!!!)
hi-top converse [similiar] —
Photos by Nick Urteaga