I got a reader request for some advice on dealing with loneliness during quarantine when you live alone. I’m going to be really honest: this is something I’m figuring out day by day.
[Before diving in I want to make the big disclaimer that I am not a mental health professional. I’m simply a gal, living alone in NYC during a pandemic speaking from my own personal experience.
My friend Rachel IS a mental health professional and has been dropping really great, easy to digest, tips on instagram. She’s a great resource if you’re seeking professional help during this time and runs Viva Wellness with her friend and fellow therapist Jor-El.]
I’ve lived alone for almost 10 years so this is not super new to me. I’ve always loved living alone [maybe too much…] but I will say living alone during quarantine has definitely been a different kind of beast.
At first, the loneliness felt really crippling. It felt pretty similar to how I felt after my break-up a few months ago. I’ve now had more time to adjust to both the pandemic as a whole and my new routine. I personally am feeling A LOT better. Of course, there are good days and bad days. That week where everyone was posting the first picture with their significant other on social media didn’t help… but I have found a few ways to manage the loneliness so it’s less crippling.
I hope this helps even a little bit or at the very least reminds you that you may be alone in your home right now but you are not alone during this pandemic.
Advice for living along during the pandemic
Be proactive
Unlike when a family member passes away or when you’re going through a break-up I’ve realized that we are ALL going through this at the same time. Usually, one person is in crisis. The other people can comfort them. Well, right now we’re all dealing with a crisis at the same time.
Once I had that realization I got proactive and started reaching out to my people. The married friends, the friends that went home to be with family, the friends living with significant others or roommates, and especially the friends also living alone.
I haven’t been perfect about checking in with everyone, but I realized that I don’t need to wait to hear from people. I can also be the one to make the first move and reach out it made me feel a lot better.
Work on a project.
I think now is a great time to be lazy if that’s what you crave. (me during the first month of quarantine…) but if you’re struggling with loneliness it can also be a great time to start a new project or take a new course.
A few weeks ago I signed up for Talent Hack’s course on transitioning to digital fitness business. It’s left me feeling SO fired up and excited about my own brand again. I like that I’ve been tuning in to live lectures every few days — forces me to have a little structure in my day. Taking this course has also given me something new to focus on.
There are so many digital classes to take right now, depending on what your interests are. I was considering taking an online writing courses from Gotham Writers. A few years back I learned how to use Photoshop thanks to this photoshop course from A Beautiful Mess — I highly recommend if you’re interested in learning the basics!
Virtual social moments
I’m not a big fan of Facetime but I have been enjoying Zoom gatherings of all sorts. Even if you typically hate video chats like me, there is something good about connecting face-to-face.
Zoom workout classes have been a quarantine huge highlight for me. I sometimes feel really silly working out in my apartment, but being on camera and knowing the instructor can see me keeps me focused and motivated. I’m obviously partial to the classes from the studio I teach at, but SO many studios are offering this as an option right now too.
I’ve been co-watching the TV show Dave with one of my friends over Zoom. It’s not a perfect method, but basically we try to start the episode at the exact same time on our own TV so it’s in sync. Yes, I could watch alone, but there’s something special about watching with a friend and having the same reactions to something hilarious or something heartbreaking.
I’ve also been participating in a Zoom Book Club, a Zoom Happy Hour with the same people every Saturday, and I went to my first Zoom baby shower last weekend.
I would maybe feel different about Zoom if I was constantly on it for work calls.
Find your outlet
We all have different outlets that help us both feel our feels and also relieve anxiety. My outlet has always been movement. I know not everyone feels okay taking walks right now but for me, they’ve seriously helped on days I’m feeling claustrophobic, cooped up, and sad in my apartment. I’ll put on a podcast (or lets be real… lately it’s been some One Direction) and wander for an hour or so.
Maybe that thing for you is journaling. Or dancing around your apartment to your favorite song. Puzzles, coloring, crafts, cooking, baking, and or all of it. Try something, even if maybe you’re not typically a journal-er or haven’t colored since you were a kid.
Give yourself permission to disconnect.
I think when you live alone there is this weird pressure to stay connected to the news and everything going on on social media. That shit is OVERWHELMING right now.
I stopped watching the news for the most part. If anything MAJOR happens I will certainly find out about it from my parents or someone else.
I’ve also been really picky about who I follow on social media. If someone’s content is giving you anxiety, making you feel like shit about yourself or making you feel lonely, give yourself permission to mute or unfollow. For me I’ve appreciated following other gals social distancing solo at this time. Solidarity, my friends.
Be kind to yourself.
I feel like I end with this advice whenever I talk about the pandemic but I stick by it. We are living through a weird fucking time right now. However it is that you are feeling right now, remember to be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to be lazy. It’s okay to feel sad. And it’s okay if the only think you accomplished today was making coffee.
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