It’s My 30th Birthday! What I Learned From My 20’s

Here we are: My 30th birthday.

This past year of my life has been… interesting. My boyfriend of 8 years and I broke up. I’ve been unemployed and living alone in the epicenter of a pandemic for 2 months. I keep joking that due to COVID-19 my 30th birthday has been canceled and I will be re-doing 29 because the first go-around wasn’t so great.

Since I turned 24, I’ve sat down to write this yearly blog post for my birthday about what I’ve learned. This year’s blog post has been the most challenging. I’ve been hesitant to write because I haven’t felt ready to dive in.

So, as I head into this new decade of my life, I wanted to change things up and focus on what I learned in my 20’s as a whole. There is oh so much I wish I could tell my 20-year-old self.

What I Learned From My 20’s

I learned how to love myself.

A few weeks ago I went back and read my journal from when I was 20. Whenever I think back to who I was then, my heart aches a little for that Kayla. She was so worried about what everyone else thought. She always wanted to say the right thing and present herself in a certain way. There is still a part of me that’s very much so like that. But in the last 10 years, I’ve also become SO much more confident in who I am. I’ve learned to love my authentic self, and I’ve learned to not be afraid to let her shine through.

 

I learned that my job is not my identity.

When I was 20 I felt so defined by what I did — I was proud to be a student at NYU studying theater at Tisch. It was a huge part of my identity. After college, I continued to let myself be defined by what I did. A few years later I was fired from what I thought was my dream job at a cool, hip, start-up. Losing that job I felt like I had lost part of my identity.

I have since challenged myself to take a step back and define myself by WHO I am and not just WHAT I do. Yes, I am a blogger, a yoga teacher, and a fitness instructor, but without those things, I’d still be Kayla. And I’d still be worthy.

 

I learned other people’s opinion of me does not define me.

In my early 20s, I let others define my self-worth. I let guys make me feel like I wasn’t worthy of being loved. I let my theater school teachers make me feel like I wasn’t talented. And I let my bosses make me feel like I wasn’t smart.

It’s been a long road to believing in myself and that I am enough. I now know that others do not define me, I get to define me.

 

I learned to love my own company.

I’ve always been pretty independent. Since I first moved to NYC I’ve felt totally fine being on my own at a restaurant or a Broadway show. But in my 20’s I’ve really owned up to my introverted ways. Of course I still love the company of other people — I’m not a total loner — but I am also okay being on my own. I think it’s important to be happy with your own company and not just the company of others.

 

I learned how to ask for help.

I’ve always taken pride in being fiercely independent and self-sufficient. I love living alone. I’m perfectly content to do things on my own and I’m fine doing things without asking for anyone else’s opinion.

But I’ve learned that it’s actually okay to ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable.

 

I learned that exercise is a celebration, not a punishment.

While I’ve always been a believer in the mental health benefits of working out, it took me a while to also shake the motion that working out is a punishment.

It’s taken me a number of years to find a truly healthy relationship with exercise, one where I don’t feel obligated to do the hardest, bestest, fastest workout because that’s what I think I should be doing. It wasn’t until I started doing the Bar Method as my only workout that I really started to get it. This low-impact, not very sweaty workout taught me that that can be enough. I don’t need to feel completely drained after every workout for it to “count”. It’s about moving my body and feeling good.

 

I learned that a relationship doesn’t have to be hard.

I spent most of my 20’s in a relationship with the most amazing guy. While we’re no longer together, I still have so much love and respect for him. He taught me that a relationship doesn’t have to be so hard. Yes, there is give and there is take.  Moments of compromise and moments that challenged us. But our relationship never felt hard. He also taught me that the right person will love all of me — the quirks, the flaws, the phobias, the anxieties, the awkwardness, and all.

 

I learned that not all friendships last forever.

But you can still be grateful for that person.

 

I learned that it’s OKAY to change your career path… multiple times.

My career path has changed more times than I can count over the last 10 years.

I’ve always been embarrassed by my turbulent career path but I am actually really happy that I’ve done a little bit of everything over the last decade. Having had oh so many jobs I’ve acquired a lot of skills, both hard skills like photoshop, and less tangible skills like how to pitch someone and get what you want.

Even though my career path doesn’t look linear, I actually ended up pretty similar to where I started as an actor 10 years ago — I’m still performing and bringing people joy. Just now it’s as a fitness instructor.

 

I learned that the magic and growth happen when you step outside your comfort zone.

Getting uncomfortable is scary. But getting uncomfortable is also SO good for you. Sign up for that trip. Audition at that fitness studio. Put yourself out there. Start that blog. You’ll be so freaking happy that you did.

Actually it’s more like: Thirty and flirty and surviving a pandemic…

Cheers to you, 30, and this new decade in my life.