Here we are, the last week of 2020. We’ve almost made it through this weird, strange, challenging, year.
Every year I write this blog post reflecting on the previous year. It’s both my own personal reflection, but I also hope a jumping-off point for you to do your own reflecting. I’m a weirdo in that I LOVE reading blog posts and listening to podcasts where others look back on their year. It ends up reminding me of bits and pieces of my own year, and I hope this blog post does the same for you.
I always joke that this is the hardest blog posts to write every year. This year? How the hell do I sum up a year like 2020?!!? Good. Question.
Before diving in I also want to say a huge thank you to YOU. Thank you for being here, for following along. For the comments, messages, support, and love. I am so grateful you are here.
Reflecting on 2020:
Oh, 2020.
I won’t pretend to know what your 2020 looked like. How COVID did or did not wreak havoc on your life. What I will say is, it’s interesting thinking that while all of our individual experiences might be very different, COVID has still been something universal this year. It is something we will all remember about 2020.
This year was not the year any of us planned. Far from it. Whatever did or did not happen for you this year, know that simply surviving was an accomplishment. You are still standing. You are still breathing. That is truly something.
What I learned in 2020:
Man plans. God laughs.
I’ve thought a lot about this old Yiddish saying this year. We can make plans all we want, but sometimes life has other plans for us that are beyond our control. As a control freak, relinquishing control has been hard. I have learned over and over again this year that so much is out of my control.
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.
I’ve always told friends looking to launch personal projects, blogs, or podcasts “don’t let perfect be the enemy of good” when they are worried about having the right blog design or perfect intro music. I finally took my own advice and wow, it’s been a sigh of relief.
I wouldn’t consider myself a perfectionist, but I definitely try to hold myself to a certain work standard. When I started sharing short workout videos on Instagram and teaching on Zoom, I obsessed over trying to make things perfect.
But they aren’t perfect. Sometimes I say silly things or mess up my words. Sometimes the sound isn’t 100% perfect. But they are still good and I’m proud of what I’m sharing.
I am so grateful for my family
This isn’t exactly new, I’ve always had a really good relationship with my parents and brother. But this year I’ve been especially grateful for them and grateful that I’ve been able to see them when I know it’s not the case for so many. I don’t take that for granted at all.
Follow the joy.
Such a simple but powerful lesson I’ve learned this year. Do the things that bring you joy, even if they aren’t cool, trendy, hip, whatever. I used to read self-help type books because I felt like it’s what I’m supposed to do. But then I permitted myself to say “Fuck it. I’m going to read the books I want to read” which more often than not is a trashy chick-lit book. But that’s what I love to read, and it makes me happy.
I’ve started to take that same “follow the joy” approach to content creation too lately and I’ve been having fun creating Reels for Instagram. It’s been fun to be my weird, sometimes goofy, self. Creating from this place means I don’t care if the video flops, I had fun making it either way. But it seems to be working — one of my reels was shared on Freeform this month with over 200,000 views at this time.
Feel the fear, do it anyway
At the beginning of COVID, I was super resistant to teaching yoga classes on Zoom. I had a million and one excuses — but really my main excuse was that I was scared! What if no one signs up? What if no one shows up? Or what if the people that show up hate it!?!?
I had to flip the script and start asking myself: What if I succeed?
I’ve now taught a bunch of yoga and yoga sculpt classes on Zoom and they have been such an amazing way to bring people together. I still get nervous right before announcing these classes on social media, but they have been a bright light during this dark time — and have also allowed me to raise money for great causes. So fuck off fear, ain’t nobody got time for you.
I have so much more to learn about racism
I had a huge wake-up call in June. While I thought I knew about racism, I had (and still do have) a lot to learn about being actively anti-racist. I’ve been making a conscious effort to learn more and also diversify the content I consume, people I follow, and books I read, but I also know the learning is far from over.
I can feel two conflicting things at once
One of my closest friends, Leslie, had a baby this year. Something so incredible and joyful. We’ve talked about how for her it’s been the best year in some ways. It’s the year her baby was born! But yet 2020 has also been a hard, challenging, devastating, year filled with loss and sadness.
And that to me sums up so much of 2020, these conflicting feelings can co-exist. Life is sometimes both.
My biggest struggles of 2020
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to include this section as I have in past years. For one, 2020 was a struggle. Period. Also, so many of these things feel silly in the grand scheme of things. Oh, woe is me I don’t feel creative in the midst of a pandemic. No shit, girl!
In March my mantra became: Give yourself grace. Which is so so so important.
But I do want to be brutally honest about the things I’ve struggled with this year — even if I “know” better. By acknowledging these things, it’s helped me start to hone in on some of the intentions I want to set going forward and unrealistic expectations I need to let go of for myself.
I’ve struggled with my sense of self-worth. I am someone that gets my sense of self-worth from my job and from being a “hard worker.” I’m not proud of having my self-worth be tied into work, but it’s the truth. (Enneagram type 3s, you feel me?)
I’ve struggled with loneliness. I’m sure many others can relate — the loneliness this year has been really tough. Living alone while going through a major breakup and a pandemic that shutdown the industry you work in is… a lot. I miss my friends. And hugs.
I’ve struggled with creativity. I haven’t felt like my most creative self this year. Besides not feeling motivated to create, I haven’t always known the best way to show up as a blogger/content creator for you.
I’ve struggled with my body image.
I’ve struggled with letting negative comments get to me. But in the words of RuPaul “Unless they’re paying your bills, pay them bitches no mind.”
Things I’m Proud of in 2020:
I share the below not to brag or make anyone feel bad if all they feel they’ve done this year is survive. For me, it’s important to celebrate the wins, both big and small. While this year I feel like I personally didn’t have many big wins, it wasn’t all total crap. And I want to remember that.
I am proud I got this far.
Periodt.
I am proud of reading 52 books this year
At the beginning of the year, I set a goal to read 52 books this year — a book a week. Hitting this goal doesn’t actually matter for anything, but focusing on reading more has brought me joy. And stopped me from endlessly scrolling Instagram and watching the news…
I am proud of finding and creating my own opportunities.
I’ve been working as a social media strategist for a web design company since this summer which has allowed me to do the part of digital marketing I love — writing blog posts, newsletters, and social media copy.
I’ve also created opportunities for myself both on social media and through Zoom to continue to teach yoga and fitness classes, even with studios being closed in NYC.
I am proud of my 30th birthday class
One of my favorite moments of 2020 was hosting a yoga sculpt class on Zoom for my 30th birthday. Even before COVID, I knew I wanted to host a big 30th birthday workout that had a charity component. My birthday class ended up raising $1200 to feed essential workers. I will never forget that night and how special it was to be in a Zoom room with over 60+ people from many corners of my life. It was seriously magical.
I am proud of my growth as a fitness instructor, even during the pandemic.
I might not get to teach as often as I used to, but I still want to give myself credit for my growth as both a Bar Method instructor and yoga teacher in 2020.
Since April, I’ve been teaching barre classes on Zoom with the Bar Method. At first, it felt like a huge adjustment teaching virtually, but now I feel like it’s really helped me grow as an instructor. I’ve also learned how to teach two new Bar Method class formats since March as well.
As a yoga teacher (and instructor as a whole) I’ve challenged myself to be more intentional with the language I use. In the new year, I want to delve even deeper into making sure my classes are both body neutral and inclusive to more people. I’m far from perfect but I am consciously growing as an instructor to simply be better and more empowering for my students… and not rely on the “Omg it’s almost bikini season” type of language.
I am proud of the content I’ve been producing lately on Instagram
It feels really inline with the direction I want to go in for 2021.
Looking Forward…
Ah, 2021. I sure as hell don’t know what you will bring, but I’ve been saying that I’m “cautiously optimistic.” I know we still have a ways to go before the pandemic is over, but I am hopeful that there is at least a light at the end of this tunnel.
What I do know is: I’m excited to move into my new apartment and for a fresh start there. I’m excited to continue to cultivate community here while also teaching my own classes on Zoom. And I’m excited to continue to follow the joy, wherever that leads.
In the words of the Counting Crows, “It’s been a long December ((and 2020)) and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.”
And right now it’s all I can solidly hope for.
Your turn: What did you learn this year, what did you struggle with, and what are you proud of?
